Too Good to Be True (Mostly Miserable Life of April Sinclair, Book 2)

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I was then seized by three men, bent backward, struck in the mouth and face, and while two of them held me a third went through my pockets. The 50 men in the room saw it all, but no one came up to help me. Doumit shouted for the police, but was roughed up and locked in a side room until morning, when he was released with threats to keep quiet. Doumit went to the police anyway and swore out warrants.


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Chief William H. This required some improvisation, since barricade material was nowhere to be found. Luckily, Chief Jackson had issued an order prohibiting police to smoke while on duty, and Lieutenant James Slattery had found an alternative, according to the Cincinnati Enquirer [7 May ]:. Apparently, the chewing gum did the trick. Ed Vincent moved his saloon to the northern reaches of John Street. Cox retired to live out his remaining days in his Clifton mansion.

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No word on whatever became of Mr. Time was, Cincinnati loved our fat men. These days, you put on a few pounds and everybody bombards you with unsolicited advice about exercise and your diet, but it used to be that fat men had real respect in this town. Cincinnati is the home of William Howard Taft, among our favorite sons.

Now, Henry Rave — there was a big boy! It made front page news in when Henry Rave, of Westwood Avenue, died.

Rave was so corpulent that he had been unable to sleep in a bed for close to a year, but was otherwise in moderately good health, according to the Cincinnati Post [23 February ]:. He was weighed the day before and the scale registered pounds. He had not been ill until an hour before his death, dissolution being very sudden. Visiting fat men got equal ink. When Joseph Wilbur Grimes came to Cincinnati on a visit to his brother, the newspapers spread the word. Grimes, allegedly pounds in heft, made a living as a bicycle salesman and rode his own wheel around his hometown of Cleveland.

According to the Post [12 September ]:. His strength is abnormally great. He can lift a baby grand piano without assistance and is so active and well trained physically that he can step on a street car when it is going medium speed. The winner was promised a gold medal and, should the winner be located somewhere outside the Queen City, a bronze medal would assuage the feelings of the heftiest man in Cincinnati. Reports of this contest filled the newspaper from late spring well into summer.

No one in our fair city managed to top pounds, while competitors on the east coast and the vaudeville circuit inched ever nearer to an officially certified pounds. Where was Henry Rave when we needed him? Harry Shuey, a cigar maker, took an early lead in Cincinnati, although he only weighed pounds. His friends pushed him into the contest on the strength of his regular victories in the fat-man races at Chester Park. He claimed the hot summer had taken the edge off his appetite and that he normally weighed Shuey sank into the pack, however, when George Oberhelman waddled it.

Oberhelman, a wagon driver, took a while to visit the official scale because his rheumatism had been acting up. According to the Post [25 June ]:. With the exception of handkerchiefs, all his clothes are made to order. Oberhelman faded when a dark horse, saloonist Anthony Hueninghake roared into contention.

When Jack Dempsey challenged Jess Willard for the world heavyweight boxing title in , tickets were impossible to find. The Cincinnati Post, rather than award a few to the fattest men in town, split the ducats among a variety of measurements — mostly displayed by fat men — such as heaviest man, largest neck, largest calf and largest chest, but also tallest man, longest reach, etc. Anthony Hueninghake won a pair of tickets based on his neck measurements, but the heaviest man in was pound Joseph Denning of Mount Healthy.

When Ed Houser of Elmwood Place made the news in , it had as much to do with his automobile as with his weight but, at pounds, Ed was no slouch in the scale-busting department. Ed was an automobile salesman. He sold Fords and made a good advertisement for their durability. Although his Ford runabout was customized to allow him to reach over his substantial girth to grab the steering wheel and had reinforcing rods welded to the chassis, it had never broken down in five years of averaging miles each day.

Ed had no plans to lose weight. He told the Post [26 October ]:.

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You only make yourself miserable. If I lost 20 pounds, what difference would it make? I would still weigh pounds. I will begin to worry when I start losing weight. I try to stay fat and happy. The Cincinnati Reds celebrate not only their th birthday but years since their first World Series crown. Sure, Cincinnati — or Losantiville, as it was called back then — was founded in There were people living here on a continual basis since that time.

But Cincinnati was not incorporated until , and then only as a town. In , Cincinnati had grown up and took its place among the urban centers of America. In , with a population not quite reaching 10, residents, Cincinnati became a city. The act of the General Assembly of incorporating the city, vested the legislative power in a Council, composed of a president, recorder and nine trustees. To the Council was given the power to make such ordinances and laws as they should think proper for the health, safety, cleanliness, convenience and good government of the city and to impose and collect reasonable fines for breaches of the ordinances.

This act was passed February 5. Sprigman, William Oliver, and Isaac Hough. The first mayor of the new city was Isaac G. Burnet, who held the office of mayor until According to Greve:. Although physically weak, he was possessed of great force of character, and did not hesitate to display the firmness required by the duties of his position. It was his presence of mind and great courage that saved the city from serious riots on more than one occasion.

There was no City Hall in Council met in a rather humble structure near the Public Landing. According to Henderson:. Among the first actions passed by the new council was the adoption of a city seal, the well-known device displaying a set of scales, symbolizing justice, above the crossed images of a sword, for security, and a caduceus, representing health and safety.

At the time, this motto was far from obscure. It was known to every attorney, and Cincinnati had a lot of attorneys, many on council. Do not mourn the lack of enthusiasm this year. His 14 March column in the Enquirer opened with this:. As we have had no public celebration of the occasion let us talk about it informally. That antique tome, published by Oliver Farnsworth, contains the results of a census taken in July of that year, revealing a total population of 10,, including African Americans. The city comprised 1, buildings, with of these built of brick or stone.

The Farnworth directory describes the new City Council and outlines its duties, singling out the anticipated problems caused by puppets:. Juncta Juvant! I reference Nick Swartsell of CityBeat. People still sing about it. We mostly know it as St. It might have been the day Cincinnati died. Only a twist of fate saved Cincinnati from a massacre in the days following 4 November The little river town was not quite three years old and was home to only or so settlers. Many of the men were off dying in General Arthur St. It is often forgotten today that hostile attacks by Native American warriors on early settlements in the Ohio lands were encouraged, financed, organized and sometimes even led by the British.

Despite their defeat in the American Revolution, England hoped to contain the United States to the eastern seaboard and to preserve a lucrative fur trade in the Northwest Territories. The British equipped their indigenous allies for proxy wars right up through the War of In , Detroit was still a British outpost and the funnel through which furs flowed into Canada and on to England. Cincinnati was first settled in the final days of , almost simultaneously with the towns of North Bend and Columbia.

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All three settlements endured regular attacks by Native American tribes, mostly encouraged by the British. Although no significant populations of Native Americans lived in the immediate area around Cincinnati, several tribes hunted in the area. Harassment by native hunters passing through the region led to increasingly vocal appeals to the federal government for protection. Remember that Cincinnati is older than the United States Constitution. In , there was hardly any national army left. Clair out to command the new Fort Washington in Losantiville.

Clair immediately changed the name to Cincinnati and began assembling an army to chasten the British-backed Indians. Clair was a popular war hero. After the war he presided over the Continental Congress in when the Northwest Ordinance was drafted. General Arthur St. Washington ordered St. Clair to assemble a militia and attack the combined Miami, Shawnee, Delaware and Potawatomi in the summer of Difficulties in finding volunteers and acquiring horses and supplies hampered St. At its peak, St. As St. The force dwindled to about 1, men and some camp followers women of various associations and even a few children.

While St.

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Clair suffered from gout, disciplinary problems, desertions and faulty supply lines, his opponents gathered in strength. Waiting for St. They led a well-equipped army of around 1, men drawn from all of the areas surrounding the British trading post at Detroit. Clair made camp just outside of what is now Fort Recovery, Ohio, about halfway to Toledo.

He was lax in setting sentries and negligent in sending out patrols. The native army struck while the American troops were eating breakfast, their weapons stacked in piles. Little Turtle led his first attack against the poorly trained militia. They were so shocked they ran away, leaving their weapons behind. The regular army troops responded and drove the attackers back temporarily. On at least three attempts, the Americans charged the Indians with fixed bayonets. In each case, the natives surrounded them and killed everyone. After three hours of battle, St. Clair joined the few survivors in flight southward to Fort Jefferson in Darke County.

At least men were killed and wounded in various degrees. The dead amounted to approximately one-quarter of the entire United States Army at the time. Many of the wounded were captured and there are reports that execution fires burned brightly for several weeks. Almost all of the camp followers — women and children — were slaughtered. And then? And then Cincinnati got the biggest break in its history. Many Native American leaders, egged on by their British allies, argued that now was the time to wipe the American settlers out of Ohio.

Opposing them, a majority maintained that a poor harvest necessitated warriors returning home to hunt. The mighty Indian confederation disbanded. According to a surviving letter of John Cleves Symmes, the settlers at Cincinnati panicked and many abandoned the town:.

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Several had fled into Kentucky, and many others were preparing to follow them. George Washington was so outraged at the news, he threw a presidential temper tantrum. Clair demanded a court martial to prove his innocence. He was denied and retired to a farm in Pennsylvania. Having missed their opportunity, the Native American tribes also lost their momentum. Has any Cincinnatian escaped the agonies of hay fever? Give a thought to our patron saint, poor William Morrow of Hartwell. Hay fever killed him in Among the , vital records recorded in Cincinnati from to , Mr.

Morrow is the only person for whom hay fever is the official cause of death. Hay fever first emerges as a distinct affliction in the s, when several famous men proclaimed their affliction, including statesman Daniel Webster and the Reverend Henry Ward Beecher. The association with educated celebrities led to the theory that only smart people got hay fever, a theory propounded in the Cincinnati Star [21 August ]:. The Reverend Beecher was such a noted victim that his essay on hay fever was published in the Cincinnati Gazette [23 October ]. Beecher described his own symptoms, offered some hypotheses as to the cause of the disease and described a veritable pharmacopeia of nostrums.

His endorsement of pennyroyal suggests that his tone was not entirely serious:. As it grows everywhere abundantly do not stint yourself. Get an armful. Make a strong tea, and drink it; a strong decoction and wash in it, smell of it, rub your forehead with the leaves, and if you can, conveniently, lie down on it and roll as you may have seen a cat do with catnip.